Carlton, Senior Listed Player, 2009, Heath Scotland
Heath Scotland, a two-sided head that, while symmetrical, proves that symmetry is only appealing if the parts themselves relate to one another harmoniously. Unfortunately, this head, as ugly as a bucket full of buckets, is a case in point.
The Hair: clings to the scalp. Hanging on to every lost strand. Desperately. Makes my ears look funny. Inconsistent. Lacks flair. Workmanlike. Womanly. Let's not make a fuss. Oblong. Scratch when disconcerted. Lather and rinse thoroughly.
The Teeth: all in all. Made to feel flesh beween the upper and lower cases. Discoloured. Distended. Lots of chin for not a lot. Tight-lipped. Glow in the dark. Subtle social signals. Submissive. Beat well and allow to stand. Refrigerate.
The Skin: keep in a warm dry place. Freckles easily. Fickle. Gets thicker with age. A bit rough. The hands of a woman. The penis of a woman. The breasts of a man. Runs like a child-bearer. Catches something unspeakable. Claims it. Not paid.
James Joyce says: "There's nothing wrong with my eyes, Stanislaus. What? Are you trying to tell me that placing episodes within a narrative hole is the only answer to the waste I'm witnessing? I beg your pardon. Got any spare change? Sorry, I thought you were someone else."
