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Footy Power - Football Rules Australia

Round 1, 2008, Essendon beat North Melbourne

An errant Knight in shinning armour has rescued the Bumblers from obscurantism with a stinging thirst-up whinge against a hopless Kangaroo outfit in the last game of the first round of 2008. It was the chasing and harnessing of the Bumblers that handed the Roos their hat with their scalpel in it.

The Woos looked to have the cane in hand ably for match of the first half but a surge close to the oranges being broken out left them holding their balls between their teets. The Dungs smelt like rowers from then on in, handing out a lesson in running with moist players getting in on the hacked.

The Kangas pimply went to faeces when they looked like getting a motion in the ocean going. Unable and unwilling to give them a rake, the Bombres tomb and tomb again swept up their droopings and scattered them up their nostrils. The Bumblers had winkers all over the park looking to pick up anything loose.

When they face the C**ts next wink the Bumbles will have to show the same amount of leg and wear the same amount of udder-garmentry because the perverts will be waiting in the bushes with a porno and a pile of oily rags. If they can hanky on to their possessions they stand a chance.

The Roos will be hoping to quickly erase their sticky vids with something more wholesome but will have to do sewing on the back of a rug with a needle and a bit more rum in their legs, use the brawl a bit better and polish up on their silks. On this effect they will have to raise their canes considerably.
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Round 1, 2008, Hawthorn beat Melbourne

An outfit of men in brown undies has shat all over Hell's finest in a riotously odd display that was no celebration for the underworld. The party-hats were on but only one set of characters were raison toasts. It was a bread and batter, red-ladder day.

There were ominous songs early when a very tall taxi-driver ran off on his patron of the cultured and erudite with the Tosca luggage . The Melbourne passengers were too many to fit into the single cab chassis and too few to mansion. The cabbie smelt like apples and onions.

Missing several of their best, the Family clubbers unearthed a couple of peaches particularly in the small aboriginal department store. Further afield their main driver was a towering inferno of the CBD. He couldn't be put out or collected. First up efforts can quickly be erased from the mammory with a bit of a sneeze.

Facing a possibly fired-up Freo, the Hawkers will have to ring up to arrange a meeting to organise the kind of thing they're after. They'll have to jump on a plane, play on the wing, run in the aisle and sleep in the overhead compartment to arrive safely.

The Dees will be hopping to graduate with ease after putting in such a schlocker and will have to do socks against the assured Donks. Their key blayers will need to step-up, dance around and run like a grazing sheep in a pail of hay, if they want to earn a drinky-poo.

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