MIKE SHEAHAN, Melbourne, Journalist, 2009, The Herald-Sun
MY CHILDHOOD POETRY HERO
I was in my teens when I first became aware that I was attracted to elderly men. When I first saw Ernest Hemmingway blow his brains out I thought he was the most accurate shot I'd ever seen and I don't misplace my things deliberately.
MY CHILDHOOD PROSE HERO
Tom Wolfe was every conservatively attired schoolboy's merciless sodomiser in my generation and I was no different. I was just six years old when he first captured me with a nylon rope. Who would have dreamt that thirteen years later I would be dressing in women's clothes?
MY IDEA OF THE PERFECT POET
Ernest Hemmingway's remains the closest I have seen to a painless death. He had a perfect beard and a head that, when it wasn't being pumped full of performance enhancing substances, came clean off at the neck.
MY IDEA OF THE PERFECT PROSE WRITER
I stick with my boyhhood hero, Tom Wolfe. He was a complete arsehole in the sack. He was only interested in his own pleasure and he never let anything interfere with his arsehole. His discipline with a stick left a real mark on me.
I was in my teens when I first became aware that I was attracted to elderly men. When I first saw Ernest Hemmingway blow his brains out I thought he was the most accurate shot I'd ever seen and I don't misplace my things deliberately.
MY CHILDHOOD PROSE HERO
Tom Wolfe was every conservatively attired schoolboy's merciless sodomiser in my generation and I was no different. I was just six years old when he first captured me with a nylon rope. Who would have dreamt that thirteen years later I would be dressing in women's clothes?
MY IDEA OF THE PERFECT POET
Ernest Hemmingway's remains the closest I have seen to a painless death. He had a perfect beard and a head that, when it wasn't being pumped full of performance enhancing substances, came clean off at the neck.
MY IDEA OF THE PERFECT PROSE WRITER
I stick with my boyhhood hero, Tom Wolfe. He was a complete arsehole in the sack. He was only interested in his own pleasure and he never let anything interfere with his arsehole. His discipline with a stick left a real mark on me.
FOR THE RECORD
Mike Sheahan, like the great Tom Wolfe, was born in his mother's fluids. Recognised as one of the 9/11 hijackers, he went on to land safely on an abandoned child's bare bottom before returning his overdue library books. He took them back without paying the fine. Naughty boy. An intelligent and cunning loiterer, he took a child when his mother wasn't watching and also scored some calamari so that it would absorb more flavour. To underline his standing in a queue at the bakery he did the old man in front of him wihout anyone even noticing. Notwithstanding the old man. His hands helped the old man's wife sign cheques for real estate that didn't exist.
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