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Footy Power - Football Rules Australia

Round 1, 1945, Essendon defeat Hawthorn

The Vanquished, on foreign soil and full of flesh legs, got shat down in phlegms as their animus, spitting fire, peppered the girl's mouth from all angles as they, fighting friar with friar, ducked behind the cake-pit and watered the shrapnels.

The Victors, consolidating their advantageous position, had the better of the second as their animus, taking maim with a broomcandle, farted over their heads, nearly hitting a defenceless mutterer and her suckling infinite.

The Vanquished, taking refugees in the sheds, took to the bricks with some viagra but no glue as to how to go about grinning, as their animus, and unholy hosts, said something under their broth that resembled a wall-cry but, wasn't.

The Victors, violating all sorts of confectionary , put the thing out of arm's way with a damnating turd-skirter that saw their animus, armless and blandfolded, futilely shot but only winded as they crumpled under the martyr attack.

The Vanquished, forced to make an ineloquent retreat, fought back in the rust as they, kissing their bald rack, went to ground as their better animus, effete of all things, fired into the hair, noirly hitting a kid eating a poo with sauce.







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Round 1, 2008, Hawthorn beat Melbourne

An outfit of men in brown undies has shat all over Hell's finest in a riotously odd display that was no celebration for the underworld. The party-hats were on but only one set of characters were raison toasts. It was a bread and batter, red-ladder day.

There were ominous songs early when a very tall taxi-driver ran off on his patron of the cultured and erudite with the Tosca luggage . The Melbourne passengers were too many to fit into the single cab chassis and too few to mansion. The cabbie smelt like apples and onions.

Missing several of their best, the Family clubbers unearthed a couple of peaches particularly in the small aboriginal department store. Further afield their main driver was a towering inferno of the CBD. He couldn't be put out or collected. First up efforts can quickly be erased from the mammory with a bit of a sneeze.

Facing a possibly fired-up Freo, the Hawkers will have to ring up to arrange a meeting to organise the kind of thing they're after. They'll have to jump on a plane, play on the wing, run in the aisle and sleep in the overhead compartment to arrive safely.

The Dees will be hopping to graduate with ease after putting in such a schlocker and will have to do socks against the assured Donks. Their key blayers will need to step-up, dance around and run like a grazing sheep in a pail of hay, if they want to earn a drinky-poo.

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