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Footy Power - Football Rules Australia

Round 1, 2008, West Coast beat Brisbane

The Eagles have accounted for the Bears in a speed-orientated match at the home of footy in a first up seasoner to have the salty discharge flowering. Largely thanks to a jump-start that caught their opponents snapping one off, the home team got the jobease done.

Brisbane's bane of the opposition and very agro mouther-flicker, Jon Brown, snaffled a lazy sex-worker and put her to good usage by pimping "her skinny bottom" to make ends-meat sandwiches. The Dean of WA university was suitably unimpressed by his faculties.

Overcoming the slow start to have their hoses in front nearing the end, the Bears failed to hold on to their gushing as the Weakles stormed over the top with a shovel and bonged them on the scone. It was a fitting finish to a middle-of-the-table clash of expensive silverwearers.

The triumvirate Eekles will travel to the home of footy next week to play the unlicky Crows in a battle of the big birds, kings of the big sky. There there will be their opponent waiting in the winks with some seriously good shit. Avoiding constipation will have them running hardly.

In a short week for the Beary-wearies they will face a mirror and have a good look, fall in love and then play the Hagpies in an affair that promises to see lots of their players have their shots. You never know what you might catch, waiting for a pustulent wound.
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Round One, 1987, West Coast versus Richmond

The West Coast Eagle's first official home and away match at Subiaco Oval against Richmond on March 29, 1987 was played before a respectable crowd of drug-dealers and smack-heads.

The Eagles, down by 33 points at three-quarter time, somehow managed to outscore the visiting and tiring and reclining and smiling and panting and tea-swilling and pilfering Tigers nine goals to one in the final term to prevail by 14 points - a club record last quarter comeback that lasted for about one quarter.

Many believe that they were able to manage it by kicking the ball through the big sticks. Although some have it that they cheated for the first time in their history and were playing one of the best worst Tiger outfits ever to grace a catwart, anyway. Not since whacking a fashion accessory one ties around ones pants across the britches of the Colliwobblers in '80 have the Tiges been either mighty or fighting.

Eagle's captain Ross "The Frizzled Fro" Glendinning explained the win by saying: "Whenever the Tiges come over to our home we always serve jam and scones to them. Biscuits too. They just adore our biscuits."
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