The Play: Setanta O'hAilpin's gritty social realism comes to bear on the socially awkward subject of a metrosexual relationship gone wrong. Doubly so because it's so loosely based on the life and times of enfant terrible on-baller Joe Orton and his ever incessant need to demonstrate against an unjust occupation.

The Plot: Orton, played by O'hAilpin comes home after a hard day on the killing-floor to find his wife, Noel Coward, played by Cameron Cloke, in the arms of another gentleman giant. Enraged, O'hAilpin takes his English-bred metrosexual by the rectum with his foot and all proceeds go to charity.

The Characters: Orton as Orlando is the son of a chicken farmer from Central Victoria caught up fighting a terrible fire when he first sees Rosalind, Noel Coward, who is a man played by a woman played by a man. Confused? Why not just drift off with your own thoughts and then tune in again when the two get married?

The Cast: O'hAilpin shines in the lead role and is ably supported by his legs, which start at the feet and work their way up to the hip. His performance is well lit by a rather large constellation but the undoubted star of the show is Cameron Cloke, who's death in the first act is marvellously overstated.

You won't be able to take your eyes off: O'hAilpin's curled up fingers headed for your nose, throat and eye. His foot, well supported in the heel and arch, will also have you calling for a tissue. If not that, then certainly your eye will be on the inside of your swollen eyelid after you accidentally fall off your swivel chair and land on my knee, with your eye.

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February 8th 2009 @ 01:12

Posted By: Norm - Category: The Blues, The Classics, 2009

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Buckley to test out his hammy

Bucks' hammy not so grave

Hamstrung ham, Nathan "The Tweaking Strings" Buckley has tested out his range in rehearsals for Hamlet: the woodsman cometh: a football dance spectacular to be aired on Channel Nine every night for a year in 5 hour installments.

Said disgruntled rival Mel Gibson, "For such a show

he's going to need to hit the sauce pretty often. I don't think he's capable, really. He must be a fucking kike or something. They killed Jesus you know."

It's a rare admission from a detested rival that Bucks has got the bottle to match it with the world's breasts. Bucks has been itching to get his teeth sunk into a bigger scratch since War and Peace: the ice musical ran aground off the coast some two years ago.

"Alas poor Mel" said Bucks, obviously still in character, "I knew him. Well, not really. I met him at this A-list do. He was maggotted." he went on. "I think he's Jewish" he said, before launching into a 45 minute soliloquoy before a media pack.

Channel Nine 'heavyweight' and failed political aspirant Eddie "The Barking-mad Scottish Cunt" McGuire has welcomed Buckley to the mates-club-fray but according to him, "Just so long as he doesn't start taking me for Claudius. I only slept with his mum once, alright. I've got the tapes to prove it."

FRA gives Hamlet: the woodsman cometh: a football dance spectacular for Christians:

ONE GAS MASK