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Footy Power - Football Rules Australia

Harmes taps it back to Sheldon for a goal, 1979 Grand Final, Carlton v Collingwood

If ever a bloated deceased marsupial was over the line in the pocket it was in the 1979 Grand Final between Carlton and Collingwood. That it was tapped from the carpark into the square to be dribbled through for a dribbler just adds more assault to the wound-up.

It was a short stocky man with short stocky arms and short stocky legs and short stocky short and curlies who shot out a mongrel from a long way out. He ran onto the crappy punt of a kick, his short and girlies pimping feverishly.

When he reached the dying marsupial sprawling for safety he peeled his meat and potatoes on the wet ground of the hollowed G. His short and stinky arm extending as he put a pimple-picker on the perished possum - for the pooping possum was over the chalk.

The carcass cartwheeled into the cacking face of a short and ballsy shrimpbag, part of a mosquito's feet, who duly popped it through the bug stacks. That the whole affair was completely missed by the men in white was appealling to wobbly-chuckers.

The running in elipsis man on the side failed to seeth. He refused to put his instrument to his lips. Not because he couldn't but because he was in the pocket of the then silver-spooners, now wooden spooners.

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Iraqi Footballers Trial New Rules

Holding the ball rule
These Iraqi footballers fight for possessions so we can't reveal their identities

The AFL rules committee has secretly met to test the controversial holding the ball rule, it was revealed last night.

In special trials undertaken with US military forces and the Iraqi Football League(IFL), Iraqi players were tested under the new interpretation of rules, the US are describing as “good for the game and good for everyone”.

It is believed that the US has been keen to stretch the interpretation of any rules they can find and the IFL is the best place to try out a few of their methods which, the AFL have described as “good for the game and that’s good for everyone”.

Iraq’s most prominent export, the very oliy Andrew Demetriou is very pleased with the involvement of the IFL in testing the new rules, that he said are “as old as humanity itself”.

"We'd love to drag the entire Carlton Football Club in here for some special tests too. Hopefully, something can be arranged there. We are certainly very keen.", Demetriou said as he recharged his cattle prod.

The rule changes are expected to come into force when nobody is watching.
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