Carlton, Senior Listed Player, 2009, Eddie Betts
Eddie
The Hair: if there's a spot on his head that doesn't grow hair Eddie's genetically modified make-up is yet to find it. It is caked in cosmetics that Eddie, liable to hit you over the head with his handbag full of pricks, saunters down the street with a wriggle of the hips.
The Teeth: if Eddie has any, modern photographic studios, sympathetic to your sensibilities, are yet to find them, but that wouldn't stop you sticking your tongue in. So complete is Eddie's artistry that you'd think he was the finest thing on two short hairy sticks.
The Skin: underneath the stubble and foundation, Eddie has the sort of epidermis that makes him hard to see at night. Pock-marked after years wrestling echidnas, Eddie's skin is much like the moon except that it's hard to see at night and is uglier than a bare arsehole.
Andrew Symonds says: "Ed and me have shared many drinks together, but never from the same can. I've tried to get her pissed but she can drink me under the boat. Although we're not cousins, I still call her from time to time to make sure we're not in the same state."
