Ted is described as one to watch
The Montmorency Football Club has inducted former player Ted Bundy into its Hall of Fame at a gala evening held at a mate's place. Bundy was recognised for his charming manner, high intelligence and raking left foot, along with his treatment of the have-nots - women. He also engaged in rape and necrophilia.
Bundy, variously described by other Montmorency players as, "dead", "cold", "lifeless" and "no, really, dead!", was ushered onto the stage by "a nice young man with a torch", before launching into a bitter attack on a defenceless person, who just happened to be a woman. Typically, Bundy would bludgeon his victims, then strangle them to death.
Asked to "shut up or else," the other woman, barely out of her jeans, was then turned on by all the other players at the gala event, hosted by ubiquitous operator and Magpie President Eddie McGuire. McGuire described his disgust at the party pies, which he called on all player-haters to wear in the face. Some witnesses told investigators that the "Ted" they encountered spoke with a clipped, British-like accent.
A search of his car revealed a ski mask, another mask made from pantyhose, a crowbar, handcuffs, trash bags, a coil of rope, an icepick, and other items that were thought by the police to be burglary tools. It turns out they are all part of the official Magpie's membership package. Discount for families and seniors.
According to reliable sources McGuire would not discount the possibility of including families and seniors in official functions: He stated that he would lie with them for hours, applying makeup to their corpses and having sex with their decomposing bodies until putrefaction forced him to abandon the remains. Side by side we stick together to uphold the Magpie name. God, blimey!
Except perhaps when my scarf gets itchy, in all of football, nothing gets me hotter around the collar than the biased calls of a commentator. And when it comes to unashamedly twisting things to suit their perverted middle-class outlook, Channel Ten's main-man Stephen Quartermain has stamped himself as the full package.
I've seen Quartermain in public. He's the sort of shit-kicking fart-sniffer who, while parading his prambulator around, gives the impression to women of the opposite sex that he's good husband-material. The fact is, Stephen is a dud-root. Worse still, I'd go as far as to say that, while not openly homosexual, he should declare his true leanings.
Too add weight to my assertions that Stephen Quartermain is the living embodiment of death, the 'man' entrusted with slipping football into our living rooms at 17:42 every weeknight manages a smile and a joke from a face that reeks of the arseholes he's been sucking. It is every night, between breaks, that Quartermain manages to refrain from what he calls, "a taste for unwashed anus." Nice.
It is unwashed anus that Quartermain and the likes of him, respected sluts for the big end of town, crave as they haul their slippery bodies up the ladder of success. It's no surprise to me then that Stephen's mouth - a tight and mean opening in the media - is so feared and admired by every piece of arse that should have the misfortune of getting a good licking.
I don't mean to sound critical, but let's look at Stephen's attempts to insert himself into every single opening that is presented to a well-respected brown and gold-noser. Now that we've done that, it's time for a break. Stephen's legs would do nicely, thank you.
Wikipedia describes Barry Hall as: "a subtype of intracranial hemorrhage that occurs within the brain tissue itself. Intracerebral hemorrhage can be caused by brain trauma, or it can occur spontaneously in hemorrhagic stroke. Non-traumatic intracerebral haemorrhage is a spontaneous bleeding into the brain tissue."
Wikipedia describes Cerebral Hemorrhage as: "best known for his playing career with the Sydney Swans. He was one of the club's best players and onfield leaders, topping the Swans goalkicking between (2002-2007) and captaining the side on numerous occasions including the club's drought breaking premiership in 2005.
Wikipedia describes the Brent Staker Incident as: "the permanent cessation of reproductive fertility some time before the end of the natural lifespan. The term was originally used to describe this reproductive change in human females, where the end of fertility was traditionally indicated by the permanent stopping of Barry Hall."
Wikipedia describes Menopause as: "marred by a reputation for onfield aggression which has earned him the label of football "wild man" and he became one of the most feared players on the field. Several controversial and highly publicized incidents (often called "brain snaps" by the media) and tribunal appearances have interrupted his career."
Barry Hall describes Wikipedia as: "exhibiting systemic bias and inconsistency; critics argue that Wikipedia's open nature and a lack of proper sources for much of the information makes it unreliable. Some commentators suggest that Wikipedia is generally reliable, but that the reliability of any given article is not always clear. "
First Quarter: the Winners made a modest return for the quarter despite falling behind in the early exchanges, and allowed their group to hand creditors a massive boost, as they continued the trend they had been following in limiting the Losers through the proficient running of their business.
Second Quarter: managing a savage monopoly of the means and a serious surge from the board, the Winners guaranteed their group's confidence would continue unabated, which proved to have adverse effects on the deficit the Losers were attempting to downplay, as recession proved inevitable.
Third Quarter: the Winners experienced a severe contraction of the size and scope of the deficit they had bought for the opposition to their group, which allayed fears analysts had that the Losers are a spent force, and gave their creditors cause to manage their alarm with an injection of calm.
Fourth Quarter: not managing the opposition to their group's business as effectively as hoped, the Winners ended the day's trading with a margin sufficient to send a message to the industry, which was aided by the massive losses the Losers had made in previous periods, and couldn't be erased enough.
Fifth Quarter: the Winners were rightly gratified by the gains they had made at the table, which they attributed to the confidence they had generated from the previous opposition, which made the opposition the Losers put forward an uncertain and lacking group of enitities with no business here.
First Quarter: the Losers limited the impact of a severe imbalance in the number of assets they could supply to do the business of manufacturing control of the board, which the Winners managed to add to the, on balance, positive sentiments their bulging accounts procured for creditors.
Second Quarter: experiencing the benefits of a number of liabilities, the Losers guaranteed their business would require an injection of capital ideas after the recession, which the Winners played a part in making a resounding period of optimism for analysts, in a period of deep uncertainty.
Third Quarter: the Losers, by way of the individual management of a solitary figure, managed to cut the deficit to more manageable levels, despite the limited optimism, which the Winners took to mean the confidence, they had managed to overlook as they went forward, was fraudulent.
Fourth Quarter: wiping off the gains they had managed in the previous quarter, the Losers closed the day's trading with a loss that had their uncertain creditors falling off, which was at least partly due to the target-orientated approach of the Winners, that creditors can bank on as a volatile means.
Fifth Quarter: the Losers attributed the generation of a loss to a "costly lapse", and created some credit for the figures of a single figure, but "haven’t sort of sat down to look at figures", which, for the majority, fell in favour of the Winners, as they addressed the issues they've had with the board.
First Quarter: the Winners, guaranteed certainty due to the abundance of class they could afford to manage, managed a period of excellent returns for their investments, which severely restricted the Losers, managing to limit panic in a continuing crisis, in their bid to offset their limited assets.
Second Quarter: sustaining the option of a massive boost to their position at the table, the Winners went into the recession on the back of two consecutive quarters which the Losers, experiencing a steady increase in the deficit they were managing, managed to add a depression to in a slump.
Third Quarter: the Winners negotiated the return to business after the break the recession afforded them with a proportionally similar output, despite the extra costs which the Losers taxed them, as they managed to generate some credit from the industry for doing the business as planned.
Fourth Quarter: experiencing a sudden and alarming stagnation of their bottom line, the Winners managed to lose any momentum from their margin as they struggled to generate interest, which was a credit to the Losers, as they sensed the need to continue with their classless account.
Fifth Quarter: the Winners handed some credit over to the competition which reinforced the interest of some analysts in placing them in a mini-crisis of confidence, which put undue interest in the Losers as they manufactured false confidence in a resource that requires a great deal to have merit.
First Quarter: the Losers guaranteed their organisation a break in the form of a recession, after a period in which they managed to have analysts forecast a savage loss, and was, in large part, due to the Winners and the industry they managed to distribute, as they went forward with a target in mind.
Second Quarter: slashing the deficit, the Losers looked the goods for the period as they managed to capitalise on the limited entries their business managed on their account, which generated a sudden tremor in the solid business of maintaining confidence the Winners have built up over a period of time.
Third Quarter: the Losers shocked observers with a sudden and sustained turnaround, delivering two consecutive quarters of positive figures going into the last recession, which had the Winners, at a loss, managing a deficit of their own, and the option of a gloomy result forecast by poor analysts.
Fourth Quarter: suffering a savage stagnation, the Losers managed to acquit themselves as a potentially sound investment for the future despite the loss, which the Winners owned after surging to a position on the board they are accustomed to, in a productive period for solid business.
Fifth Quarter: the Losers, managing to remain calm despite the strong showing, delivered an account which managed to convey the general optimism of their outlook, and contrasted sharply with the general mood of a slump the Winners are experiencing, as their confidence threatens their output.
First Quarter: the Winners managed to manage a massive margin in a period of growth not forecast by even the most optimistic creditors, which transferred a deficit to the Losers as the philosophy generating their going forward, across the board, created the pursuit of individual gain, for a loss.
Second Quarter: pursuing more value to add to their interest, the Winners managed to enhance the position on the board they had managed in the previous period, which created more uncertainty for the Losers, as they went into the next recession with a deficit that required savage slashes.
Third Quarter: the Winners continued a trend of misdirecting their key actions in the face of their ultimate goals, which cost them another gain in a period they otherwise owned, and allowed the Losers, attempting to resolve their issues, to dupe the board into poor accounts of the state of play.
Fourth Quarter: boosting the size of the deficit they were managing marginally, the Winners resumed business after the last recession with the addition of more ascendancy on the board, which transferred incredible pressure to the credible accounts the Losers would try and manage going forward.
Fifth Quarter: the Winners accounted for the control they managed with reports of the belief they're building, which is a fair reflection of the business going on inside their business, and was in marked contrast to the poor report the Losers managed of being "at a loss" to explain the very poor loss.
First Quarter: the Losers signalled their intention to dispute the validity of the crisis analysts had aligined to the poor performance they have been building up over time, which the Winners failed to compensate adequately for, after expectations of a severe deficit experienced a turnaround.
Second Quarter: going into a deep recession with confidence the crisis had been managed, the Losers held a position on the board that was not forecast by even the most optimistic, which generated uncertainty from observers that the Winners, managing to square the ledger, would negotiate the crisis.
Third Quarter: the Losers guaranteed the last recession would consolidate the crisis after they managed to confirm their position as an organisation bereft of class, which the Winners accentuated when they managed to stimulate the economy of their transference of the means with a margin.
Fourth Quarter: slumping in inverse proportion to their early rally, the Losers suffered severe pain across the board as they managed to reaffirm the perception of a deep crisis, which the Winners compounded with a share of free-flowing business and rebounding optimism, right across the board.
Fifth Quarter: the Losers managed to retain some optimism from the outcome, "and we've got to look at the personnel and see who can take us forward and who can't", which contrasts sharply with the genuine management of confidence the Winners managed after managing a sharp rise in credit.
First Quarter: the Winners were willing to supply creditors with the goods, despite the figures the board showed to observers which clearly had them managing a deficit, as the Losers, business going to plan, negotiated initial uncertainty on home soil to attain the position on the board they sought.
Second Quarter: reversing the ownership of the deficit, the Winners went into the deep recession trading their labour for the price of a monopoly of the board, which the Losers, guaranteed a nasty depression, managed to turnover as their individual enterprise cost them a share of the board's move.
Third Quarter: the Winners added a second consecutive quarter of growth after the recession ended, which allowed them to build confidence in their abilities despite the taxing effects, as the Losers, going from the last recession into another one, managed to supply a depression for analysts.
Fourth Quarter: securing the outcome they managed due to the position they took on the board, the Winners demanded an increase in levels of trust from creditors going forward, which the Losers, gaining assistance from their poor abilities, added to their mortgage on divisions devoid of class.
Fifth Quarter: the Winners attributed the generation of a deserved outcome to the successful implementation of a plan they had devised to manufacture a favourable return, which the Losers met by accounting for the loss as a by-product of the sub-standard work-ethic they managed to produce.
First Quarter: the Losers were restricted in the amount of time they had to manage the means effectively, and stifled by a crippling lack of room to grow their business, which allowed the Winners, responsible for the limitations, to own every aspect of the negotiations, including the board's activity.
Second Quarter: credited with class, the Losers failed to manage to post any major gains at all for the entire period, which severely damaged their position as a sound group, and added value to the assessments of the Winners that they have ample class in all divisions to go forward safely.
Third Quarter: the Losers, managing to resolve some of their personnel issues, slashed their deficit with an increased capacity for working well under pressure, which the Winners managed to ignore the ramifications of into the last recession with a margin so manageable they could afford to relax.
Fourth Quarter: retaining much of the deficit they had managed to slash in the last quarter, the Losers suffered a savage check on the growth they had been managing, which was due to the Winners returning to their miserly management of the board, and the rebounding figures going forward.
Fifth Quarter: the Losers managed to account for the outcome with an account of the "need to develop our stocks", as they reiterated the stage their organisation is in, which conveyed to the Winners that their toil, and sacrifice of individual freedom, was due solely to the old firm's share.
First Quarter: the Winners generated a severe shortage of industry in the energy sector, which created a deficit across the board as they managed a perception of uncertainty, and allowed the Losers, managing rising levels of confidence, to get the running of their business aligned to their practices.
Second Quarter: slashing the deficit, the Winners went into the upcoming recession with a savage surge in the uncertainty they managed to inflate for the Losers, which was due to the rapidly contracting margin and a massive increase in output that generated richer supplies, going forward.
Third Quarter: the Winners guaranteed their organisation an opportunity to manage the control of the board with a solid quarter which netted them a turnaround in the deficit, which created a nasty surge in uncertainty for the Losers, as they attempted to manage a perception of resolute business.
Fourth Quarter: breaking even for the period, the Winners managed enough confidence to hold on to their nervous control of the board to secure the outcome, which the Losers assisted with, as they consolidated the perception that their uneven individualism is on the excessive side, overall.
Fifth Quarter: the Winners were credited with the turnaround of a deficit by the industry, after banking on the ineptitude of the competition through "some real class" divisions, as the Losers, banking on a perception of poor fortune, managed an account which didn't hike any real rate of interest.
First Quarter: the Losers got the business running in limiting the severity of the class inequality evident on paper by managing to halve the figures the competition managed, which equated to a deficit the Winners could manage to add to, as their group struggled for structure, going forward.
Second Quarter: misdirected actions and a tight workplace limited the growth of the deficit the Losers managed to slash, as they added confidence to their optimism, which the Winners added inflation to as the interest of observers rallied, after the competition went into a major recession, looking up.
Third Quarter: the Losers owned the competition, despite failing to manage to manage the position on the board aligned to the systematic control of the means across the board, which the Winners negotiated, as they struggled to consistently find a realistic target to focus their advances on.
Fourth Quarter: liable to doubt the validity of their own confidence, the Losers managed an outcome that was more closely aligned to the work of the competition, which guaranteed the Winners an outcome they had managed due to the confidence they had built up over time, to their credit.
Fifth Quarter: the Losers managed to avoid paying out the person responsible for missing the ultimate opportunity that cost them the value their industry warranted, which detracted slightly from the account the Winners managed to perform of paying out the person they held solely responsible.
First Quarter: the Winners implemented the organisation of their group around the movements of the competition and managed to make a substantial dividend for their share, which the Losers had no option to minimise as they attempted to get their business going across the board, going forward.
Second Quarter: the margin they managed contracting, the Winners laboured to generate enterprise going into a deep recession, which they managed with a margin, as the Losers, their business up and running, slashed their deficit in a protected environment, and looked the goods, indeed.
Third Quarter: the Winners, struggling to extend the class in their system, suffered a second consecutive quarter of contraction to the deficit they managed for the Losers, which allowed them to deliver a massive boost in confidence to their poor creditors, many of whom deserved to be paid out.
Fourth Quarter: following the last recession, the Winners lost yet more of the gains they had made in earlier exchanges, which proved ample in the overall scheme, as the Losers, negotiating without the benefit of their full entitlements, put a viable plan in place to garner good interest, in the future.
Fifth Quarter: the Winners managed to make the ever decreasing margin they managed into a lesson in educating their personnel across the board, which the Losers met with a poor attempt to pass their account off as a means to make themselves liable to be truthful, and avoided a hefty pay out.
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